What the Mouth Doesn’t Know Can’t Hurt It (or- Don’t Let Your Left Hand Know What Your Right Hand is Stuffing into Your Face)

I didn’t stop eating meat because I don’t like it. Granted, if I dwelled on what I was eating when I was still eating meat, I could pretty easily gross myself out. Even so, I’m an umami sort of girl- I would have chosen a pork chop over a slice of apple pie any day of the week. Giving up meat, for me, was a health issue and also a commitment to not support factory farming.

So if I was going to survive this transformation, I needed to find foods to bridge the gap from Meatopolis to Vegtopia. I needed to trick my brain until my tastebuds jumped on for the ride. Clearly, I love to cook. But since vegetarian and vegan cooking was new to me, it took some time for me to confidently prepare everyday meals. I needed to eat, you know, every day, and I wasn’t going to perfect my seitan recipe fast enough. At first I still wanted to eat meat without eating meat. Enter pre-packaged vegetarian cuisine!

It’s worth mentioning that while some of these products taste a hell of a lot like their animal counter-parts, some of them don’t. That was a big mind game that we had to work through in this house- we had to stop thinking of things as trick meat, and start thinking of these dishes as other food. I've rarely seen my husband as disappointed as he was when he bit into a meatloaf I made out of textured vegetable protein. He took one bite and pushed the plate away.

Me: “What’s the matter?”
Jason: “I bit into that expecting meatloaf.”
Me: “And?”
Jason: “That isn’t meatloaf.”

Nope. And Tofurky ain’t turkey, no matter how you slap it on a platter, surround it with roasted root vegetables, and slice it. But it’s damn good.

So, what follows is my list of processed faux meats, most all of which can be purchased at your local grocery store (and definitely at Whole Foods). Most all of these brands make a lot of different varieties; I’m only listing the ones I personally used. Just like any processed foods, I don't recommend eating these at the exclusion of healthier, whole foods. But they certainly are a support as you transition away from meat. These products got me from “there” to “here.” Even if you have no plans of abandoning meat, give some of these a try. You might be surprised at how good they are.

FYI: You should know that some of the meat alternative products aren’t vegan because they use dairy in some fashion. When in doubt read the label.

Boca Burgers


Chances are you’ve heard of Boca Burgers before. Readily available in typical grocery stores, these are really amazing burgers. I never was a big “hamburger” kind of person, but Boca burgers are really delicious. They have a nice “bite” to them and the mushroom-mozzarella burger is yummy.

Morningstar Farms


Even though I now know how to make my own Italian “sausage,” these babies got me through many an afterschool face-stuffing. Their texture is a bit soft, but the seasonings are really close to their piggy cousin. Morningstar has a large variety of products which are pretty good, but by no means the best (read: most meat-like) out there. I dabbled in their breakfast sausages which are a nice replacement (although a bit salty to me). My kids happen to like their “chicken nuggets” better than any other brand, but I can’t say the same.

Quorn


This mystery meat was probably the first thing I ate that assured me I could easily make it through my transitional stage. Quorn is (oh, man. See- when I explain it you’re going to be grossed out. But it’s far less gross than a factory farmed and slaughtered chicken. Just trust me) . . . Quorn is a manufactured protein (made in vats and processed like a lot of food you eat). It’s made out of what they call a mycroprotein, which . . . OK. Forget this. Here’s the website. Read it for yourself. Suffice it to say that it literally, magically, tastes like chicken (and turkey, and ground beef) and is really delicious. It’s vegetarian, not vegan, because they use egg whites in the manufacturing process. If I haven’t scared you off, you can find this product in the freezer section of your grocery store.

LightLife


LightLife makes the tempeh I use, and Mama looooooooooves tempeh! But we’re talking about ready-made faux meat products here. I have cooked with their "chicken" and "beef" strips before, and at first I didn’t care for them. Much like Jason and his meatloaf despair, I, too, bit into them and expected chicken (or beef). No, Ma’am. I also made it worse because I didn’t really cook them correctly (there are things you can do to season these strips to make them tastier). Their Buffalo Smart Wings are pretty good and we eat that a lot. Cut up in a stir-fry, their Savory Smart Wings taste like pork to me. Their lunchmeat is an acquired taste, but I do keep a package around for a quick sandwich (I prefer my homemade lunchmeat). They are also known for their hotdogs which my children refuse to eat and I haven’t really gotten around to trying for myself.

Upton’s Naturals Seitan

(Image taken from company website)

Upton’s had me at “hello,” with their sweet old-timey packaging. Seitan is a wheat-based “meat” which is chockfull of protein and really good for you. I’ve since learned how to make my own and season it to my liking, but Upton’s showed me how versatile seitan could be. Jason really likes their chorizo sausage and I prefer the Italian. Seitan takes some getting used to- the texture is a little, well, rubbery. If I started out with seitan I don’t know if I would have kept at this. Now I absolutely love it. It took some getting used to, though. This company also makes vegan tamales using their chorizo seitan. They are smack-your-Mexican-mama-good.

Tofurky


Yes- ok, bring on the Tofurky jokes. All I can tell you is that I made my first whole Tofurky roast about 3 months into being vegetarian and it honestly was delicious. It was “close” to turkey, but a little off. Not a bad “off,” but enough that you wouldn’t trick a serious turkey-phile. They also make the best lunchmeat I’ve had, but unfortunately it isn’t carried at my local store.

Match


Match is a wonderful product that I can only find at Whole Foods. Sadly, the closest Whole Foods is an hour away so I don’t get there too often. The texture of their ground meats is right on, and my youngest gorges himself on the meatballs I make out of their “chicken.” Seasoned correctly, this product is one that could definitely fool a meateater into thinking he’s eating meat (if that’s your idea of fun).

Field Roast


(Cue angel trumpets and beatific light shooting through impossibly white clouds). Field Roast calls itself a “grain meat” company, and I’m here to tell you they figured out some spectacular secret recipe. Their Celebration Roast is one of my favorite things to eat (so much so that I’ve banned it from my house because it was keeping me from learning to cook). Their meat loaf is amazing (it was a vegetarian meatloaf redemption at our house). Both of these products freeze really well which is lucky because I can only get them at Whole Foods. Their sausages are more widely available in local grocery stores. They have a really great variety (the apple sausage is to die), but their Celebration Roast is the crown jewel.

Gardein

(Image taken from company website)

Last, but not least, we come to Gardein. Amazingly, I just started using this product a few weeks ago. Since I’ve learned to cook vegetarian and vegan protein, I’ve honestly relied less and less on prepackaged products. But when I was stocking my pantry I also stocked my freezer with meat replacements, and last month I found a package of Gardein Beefless Tips waaaaaaaay in the back. I served these at my 4th of July party last week, and the first thing my guests said was that they would never guess that it wasn’t beef. It really is good stuff. The Chick’n cutlets have a great taste and texture. The Crispy Tenders are pretty darn good, too. I think I could go without all the other products I’ve listed (with the exception of my Field Roast Celebration Roast) and only purchase Gardein for convenience food. If you’re hesitant about replacing meat in your diet, buy a package of Chick’n Scallopine, and use it for your favorite chicken cutlet recipe. You won’t be disappointed.

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“But what about Thanksgiving?”

A year ago today, when I decided that I wanted to stop eating meat, a small, whiney voice in the back of my head said, “but what about Thanksgiving?” The fact that it was June and I was already worried about one meal five months in the future is a good indication of how important that day is to my family. My husband was a turkey ninja; each year he picked out just the right bird, brined that baby in some secret concoction in a hidden corner of the garage, stuffed it with sprigs of fresh sage, rosemary, thyme and citrus fruit, and slow roasted it to fall-off-the-bone perfection. I made everything else, and spent weeks planning out the side dishes and desserts, writing and rewriting menus. My favorite dish was my stuffing, made with sage sausage, Granny Smith apples, and pecans.

Ohhhh, man. We put out a mean spread. We were so in love with Thanksgiving and our special dishes that we made a vow early in our marriage that we would never go anywhere for Thanksgiving, just so we would always have the meal exactly as we wanted. Our home has always been open to anyone who wants to attend, but honestly most years it’s been just my husband, me, and our boys. And that is perfectly fine with us.

Because, well- as selfish as it sounds, Thanksgiving is about THE FOOD to us. Yeah, yeah, “family,” and “togetherness,” and “gratitude,” and blah blah blaaaaaaaaaah! There are 364 days of the year for that.

So, going veg, I was worried about my favorite family ritual. Five months ahead of time. Not having the turkey on Thanksgiving could have been the deal-breaker for me. I sat down and started a serious conversation with my husband (who graciously agreed to stop eating meat as well, knowing it would be easier for me).

“Jay. Um. I’m worried about Thanksgiving.”

“It’s June.”

“I know, but . . .”

“That’s five months from now.”

“Well- what about the turkey?”

“What about it?”

“If we aren’t going to eat meat anymore we won’t have turkey at Thanksgiving.”

“So what?”

And that was that. If he didn’t care, I could certainly pretend that I didn’t care either (but, between us, I DID care. A lot). Know what I discovered? Thousands of other vegetarians were also figuring out what the hell they were going to make for Thanksgiving, too. I relied heavily on various sites and blogs for the day, since I was worried about screwing it up. I took all the pictures with my phone (mainly because I was texting them to my friend Mickey all day, as a sort of tease).

So, friends, I decided to start my first recipe posts with my Thanksgiving menu from 2010. Turns out you can eat yourself stupid without a turkey on the table!

Breakfast:

Quiche with spinach, broccoli and Quorn "chicken"

MY QUICHE:

1 pastry shell
1 ½ cups grated Swiss cheese (Gruyère is best)
½ cup shredded Parmesan cheese
2 whole eggs
2 egg yolks
1 cup heavy cream
½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
¼ teaspoon freshly ground or grated nutmeg
2 tablespoons sweet, unsalted, butter
8 ounces Upton’s Naturals Italian seitan or Quorn Chick'n Tenders, sautéed with olive oil (optional. I now know how to make my own Italian sausage and often use that. That recipe will be posted soon!)
1 cup cooked broccoli and/or spinach, well drained

1. Preheat oven to 400°. Bake prepared pie crust for about 5 minutes. Lower heat to 350°, and bake until crust is golden brown (about 10 minutes longer). Watch the crust carefully so it doesn’t get too well done. Remove crust from oven and cool.
2. Return oven to 400°. Layer shredded cheese and fillings in pastry shell.
3. Beat together whole eggs, egg yolks, cream, salt, pepper, and nutmeg. Pour mixture into pie shell. Dot the top with little pieces of butter. Sprinkle a little more pepper and/or nutmeg on top.
4. Bake at 400° for 15 minutes. Reduce heat to 300° and bake for 25 minutes longer or until cheese custard is set and golden on top (depending on fillings, you may need to add an extra 15 minutes to bake time). Serve hot.





Lunch:

Pumpkin-Ricotta ravioli with pine nuts and cream of mushroom soup

MY PUMPKIN-RICOTTA RAVIOLI WITH PINE NUTS:
(I had fully intended to make my own "cheeseless" ricotta before Thanksgiving, but chickened out at the last minute.)

½ can pure pumpkin puree
8 ounces Ricotta cheese, well drained
1 egg, beaten (or equivalent amount of Egg Replacer)
1 teaspoon nutmeg or allspice (more or less to taste)
½ teaspoon ground black pepper (more or less to taste)
¼ teaspoon fine sea salt (more or less to taste)
1 package Nasoya wonton wrappers (or your own homemade pasta)
4 tablespoons Earth’s Balance, divided
½ cup pine nuts, toasted
½ cup Parmesan shreds (optional)

1. Mix together the puree, Ricotta, egg, nutmeg, pepper and salt.
2. Put mixture in the refrigerator for about 20 minutes so it firms up a little.
3. After 20 minutes, prepare the raviolis. Use the wonton wrappers like ravioli dough; place a tablespoon of the cheese mixture in the center of one wrapper. Moisten all around the edges of the wrapper with water (just use your finger), then do the same for the wrapper you’re placing on top.
4. Carefully cover the bottom and cheese with the pre-moistened top layer, then crimp all around the edges with a fork.
5. Now the fun part! On another burner, get a skillet ready to go with melted Earth’s Balance spread on medium heat. You will be working in batches. Cook them on each side for about 2 minutes, then move to waiting platter. You can toss the pine nuts in with skillet, too, if you like. Sprinkle raviolis with pine nuts and Parmesan to serve.
7. Repeat process until all the raviolis are done, adding Earth's Balance as needed. These are best eaten hot. At my house, that means that family members stand next to me with plates ready to go, grabbing the raviolis from me straight from the skillet.

MUSHROOM SOUP:
(I started with a ready-made soup, and then "doctored" it up)

32 ounces Imagine Natural Creamy Portobello Mushroom Soup
1 cup portobello mushrooms, coarsley chopped (or a mixture of your favorite mushrooms)
2 cloves minced garlic
½ cup chopped leeks or onions
Salt and pepper to taste
1 cup shredded Parmesan cheese (optional)

1. Pour prepared soup into a pot on the stove over medium heat.
2. In a skillet, sauté mushrooms, garlic, leeks and salt and pepper in olive oil. Cook until fragrant and glistening.
3. Add vegetables to soup and cook until heated though. Before serving, stir in Parmesan cheese (if using), saving some to sprinkle over the top of each serving.

Dinner:

Quorn roast with mushroom gravy, potatoes, stuffing, sweet potato casserole, green beans with leeks

QUORN ROAST WITH MUSHROOM GRAVY:
(Adapted from Epicurious)

I used 2 Quorn Roasts, still using the rub, but then wrapping the roasts in oven bags and slow cooking them all day.

Instead of butter, I used Earth's Balance.

In place of chicken broth, I used Imagine's No Chicken Broth.

I also used portobello mushrooms instead of shitake.


MY POTATOES:
4 pounds golden creamer potatoes, peeled and cut into quarters
1 bay leaf
Kosher or sea salt and ground pepper to taste
2 cups heavy cream (vegan substitute here)
3 tablespoons unsalted butter
2 tablespoons chopped chives

1. Put potatoes in large stock pot with bay leaf and 2 tablespoons salt. Cover potatoes with cold water.
2. Bring to boil over medium-high heat and cook until potatoes are fork-tender, about 20 minutes. Drain and remove bay leaf.
3. Meanwhile, heat the cream and butter in small saucepan. Put the potatoes through a ricer (if desired) before placing them in a large bowl.
4. Add the hot cream and season potatoes with salt and pepper. Add chives and stir to combine.

GREEN BEANS WITH LEEKS, ROSEMARY AND LEMON:

(From 101 Cookbooks)


MY STUFFING:

12 ounces Upton's Naturals Italian seitan (or other vegetarian sausage)
2 medium Granny Smith apples, diced (I don't peel them- I like the color with the skins on. It's up to you)
1 cup additional dried fruit (like cranberries) if desired
1 teaspon coarsley ground black pepper
1 teaspoon dried thyme
2 teaspoons dried sage (more or less to taste)
6 tablespoons butter
2 large celery stalks, diced
1 jumbo onion, diced
2 large carrots, shredded or diced (your preference)
15 ounces Imagine No Chicken Broth, plus more as needed
1 cup fresh parsley, chopped
¼ cup water
1½ loaves of your favorite bread (I use cornbread muffins), stale or toasted lightly and broken up into bite-sized chunks
1 cup chopped and toasted pecans
2 egg whites (or equivalent amount of Egg Replacer), optional

1. Preheat oven to 325°. Melt a tablespoon of butter in a tablespoon of olive oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Cook "sausage" until browned. Add apples, dried fruit (if using), pepper, thyme and sage; cook 5 minutes longer, stirring occasionally and scraping up browned bits. Spoon mixture and drippings into a large bowl and set aside.
2. Add another tablespoon of butter to the same skillet. Add celery, and onions and cook for about 10 minutes. Add the carrots and cook 5 minutes longer. Add broth, parsley and water; heat until simmering.
3. Spoon vegetable mixture, pecans and bread crumbs into the bowl with the sausage and mix well. Add more broth if necessary (stuffing will dry out a little as it bakes). Taste and adjust seasonings if desired.
4. Spoon stuffing into a buttered baking dish or (my favorite) a buttered 12-cup muffin tin. Brush with egg whites (if desired). Cover with foil and bake for 45 minutes or until heated through.


SWEET POTATO CASSEROLE:
(From The Fat Free Vegan)


Dessert:

Apple-Cranberry Pie

APPLE-CRANBERRY PIE
(From About.com)


Double Layer Pumpkin Cheesecake

DOUBLE LAYER PUMPKIN CHEESECAKE
(From Fat Free Vegan)

I added shavings of dark chocolate to the bottom, middle and top.

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